work

Someone died at work. Seems like we should be sad but we aren't. Wouldn't wish it one here but we weren't close...

peace broke again

Wish I had medication sometimes to make these thoughts easier for the things I can't control.

peace

It is nice to feel for a change.

vacation

I just got back from vacation. So happy and calm right now. Feeling work chipping at it already.

switchy. it never ends

We've been stressed lately do to many things going on in life. Some good and some broken head stuff. Now after a long time of not hearing from Mike he perked up and wants to play D&D with the new game we are setting up. So we'll see how it goes... We are making a build we he can express some of his desires and personality without life consequences. Hoping for the best....

the big move in

So now we four have moved in together. The is still some getting to know each other and the like. But mostly things have been ok. We all we to like the knew house and it feels good to be out of the old apt. So where do we go from here? Well we are making it up... Divorce being behind me feels good. Taking marriage with girl 1. We are both scared about it. We have both been burned and don't want to go through that again. Out of town this weekend. It will be nice to escape work for a bit. But there is so much to do. I'm slowly realizing that my dream of having a team again probibly won't happen any time soon. I keep getting stressed out at work because I feel powerless and over burdened in the time schedule they have invented. So they see me out if control. I don't know how to keep my emotions in check when I'm stressed out... So many things I want to do at work to make tjubgd better.... But they say there isn't time and have ongoiningly refused to implement my ideas... So thiughts of what might be next cone up.

Moved [Rachel]

So we've moved to a rental house. We've been having lots of break downs away from work and almost not holding it together at work. Stress is horrible lately. Some highlights: Scott had a review at work a few days ago. It was commented that often he is perceived as negative. We just expect a lot from the company we work for and want to make things better and want to avoid mistakes we've seen and try to warn people of the traps they are getting into. But we are misunderstood. And we are negative. They don't pay us to be positive. They pay us to get work done. If they want us to be fake then they are asking us to be who we aren't. Our bi-polor has been really getting in the way since we started there. We are working on salvaging our future there but I'm not sure... Me. I've been out a few times lately when I didn't want to be. It was hard hearing girl 2 say that she loves us when I don't believe she loves me. I had to go away.... Not to be negative here but it is confusing to know how to live now that every thing went down... Mostly Scott and Akhenaten have adjusted to be twins and share move of the out time. Beast seems to pop out a lot lately. A lot of that is the stress and he's still angry so it's been hard to keep him from fucking everything up for A and S. The other day we went shopping and I started getting pulled out but we were with g2 and I didn't want to be out with her. We are tired of her taking over everything with this move and she was doing it with the shopping too. Finally as I was slammed out we had a huge panic attack and I went to the car and cried. Ahenaten got to cut on a couple people last week-end. That lifted his spirits a lot. Things are settling out now that the divorce is done. But brain is still rocky and having lots of trouble knowing K. is moving in soon. We are scared.