Megga breakdowns

I've been trying to come up with a list of "stuff" to work with a doctor about. It's printed out now. Yesterday and today attempts to call the preferred doctor have failed due to lack of answering their phone. :( So Plan B... We are really depressed right now and it's getting darker... Which pushes every one around me down. Big cluster fuck that. Big misunderstandings this last week-end has put the whole house into iminent breakup. And that isn't ok. I need my family to trust me and believe I'm looking out for the big picture and not just myself. Because I am. I also need to have needs met before I'm ok with people leaving for an week... And so it goes. Yet another thing where I'm trying to make sure I have what I need to survive and I'm the bad guy. Everything is great as long as we are serving them. Well no that doesn't work either we should be in charge. Wait we show we are in charge and there are fights. No matter what there are fights. Hating this reality. I was so happy that we weren't upset about this vacation thing. Not jelious about it. Just needing to stage things so that we could get through it in a happy way. That was sabitaged. And yet we are still mostly ok with this trip thing. But NOT ok with the last of trust shown to me and blaming me for not giving what I was going to give but couldn't because they weren't trusting/playing with me. Did I push too far Sat morning? Probibly. But at the same time I get pushed to have to accept things I don't want all the time or I can't keep my girl. And I've been letting her get away with it because I want her to be happy. But I need to be happy too and I need my needs taken care of before she goes off to take care of his. Work took my big project away from me and gave it to my team lead. I'm off to do other stuff now. So presure is off a bit. And yet I can't believe this is a good thing. This is a good read about poly-relationships: http://solopoly.net/2014/07/12/invisible-fences-fuzzy-landmines/