Lots of depression, worry, and such [Scott]

I've found that more and more often lately I'm depressed. It isn't a problem... And yet my bi-polor symptoms have been getting a lot worse lately. I've been really upset and all over the place with my emotions. Lots of us have been coming out lately. I know it seems like I only blog when things are bad. But I guess that is when I remember this is hear and try to use it to get shit out of my head as a "flush". Sometimes it helps. I found Scotty out last night, strongly influncing us today, and going to be out again tonight. Since we're sleeping alone that should be fine. Felt funny sucking my thumb last night. He seems to be a bit regressed. We are worried for girl 2. Her dad is dying. I can't be there for her and despretly wish I could be. My monitor is getting strobe lighty and dieing... Yet another expense to worry about. My oldest kid asked me to take out a college loan. How the hell can I afford that? There is other news: The new house is working out ok. Except I felt ignored frequently. Adjustments are uncomfortable. I wanted more of her time and now I get less. But she's happier it seems. I need to learn to be more proactive with scheduling "us" time now rather than assuming her attention will be on me. It's never worked the way I wanted anyways... Work will keep going for a while yet. The new guy I've been training had to go home to CA to find some paperwork so he can be hired. So now I've had to raise the question of if passwords need to be changed or is he coming back? Lots of projects to do. I should go let Scotty out. He's been pushing for it for hours.

new guy

There is a new guy at work that I'm doing some training for and transitioning some of my work that never should have been mine. Never before have I seen such a stark separation of Scott vs Akhenaten when dealing with people at work. No wonder we've never really been promoted in to management with every one seeing Scott. So we've given up trying at a level. It is refreshing to have a sense of having someone work for me again. I really miss having teams working for me. A bit sick and brain jumbled this morning about this and stuff.

work

Someone died at work. Seems like we should be sad but we aren't. Wouldn't wish it one here but we weren't close...

peace broke again

Wish I had medication sometimes to make these thoughts easier for the things I can't control.

peace

It is nice to feel for a change.