frantic and peace

Life lately has been really crazy as various stresses have come up. The tight money, moving, sicknesses, WORK... Girl number 1 was out of meds for a while. Oy that is hard. Finally got them again. While she was off of them that spun need down. Then girl 2 spun down. Then bad news about her dad. I started having lots of panic attacks, extreme thoughts, anxiety, break downs all over and of course lots of switching because that is what we do. Even started to feel like others were starting to show up... That and Rachel is more gone again. So ya.... Now both girls are on meds and I'm nice and calm and relaxed even in the face of work getting really hard at the moment. I've been chossing to be happy. Often choosing isn't available and I'm very much in my default whiny self. No one likes that... So I've been enjoying it. Sure there have beensome little breakdowns. But manageable. So we've been thinking of going on medication for out panic attacks, bipolor mood swings, extreme emotions and. Well not sure what all. The falicy would be that while we are feeling good to say we don't need it. But maybe right now is the good time to seek it out while we are with it enough to talk about it in stead of hiding. We sure don't want to be drugged up, but we are sick of hurtibg over stuff we can't control and don't want but have to have in our life. Almost Dads birthday Almost missed my sons birthday. I still cant believe I have a son... I so didn't want it that I have to stop myself from disasociating about him. That's fucked up. I miss my boy in girl 2 and miss the fun times we used to have. and others in her. I'm trying to be patient but they are missed. My girlfriend and I worked some stuff out and are talking a lot again. So scheduling a third is stupid hard...