Not on the same page

Turns out that Rachel breaks really easy. More than any of us she's pure emotion with almost no rationality control. She's rational, but can't really control what she feels. And she feels deeply. She was dealing so well with MK. And now that he's around all the time old feelings are coming back. We can say all day that X is ok but she quickly doesn't feel it and our brain spirals down. So we aren't on the same page internally... Kind of...

If only he wanted to play with us too. It is torture having her wanting someone who doesn't want us. Normally we push those kind of people out of our life and move on. MK we can't. Rather won't. I don't like where this is heading... Again...

X-mas begins

It is funny what will trigger us. Last night we looked at some wrapping paper/gift and had this over whelming urge to rip it open. Next I'm jumping on the bed - kind of and lots of kids songs like the theam song to spider man, batman, lone ranger and other stuff from when we were a kid. Scotty was out... Felt really funny. Not used to it. Then the phone chimed 5 times and it confused him and he ran away.

in the tub...

Often me use tub time to have down time think. We are doing that now and realized that we haven't blogged for a but. So here it goes.

The new job is really stressful. We had a major breakdown recently that left us really broken. We backed off from working extra to take time to heal our mind. But the cost of my break caused ripples to my girls. I'm sorry about that but I also needed their support... So they crashed too. :(  we are mostly back to normal again... I hope.

Really wanting to switch careers or somehow get in a position with less stress... Not sure yet what it will be or look like.

I struggle a lot inside...

Lately beast has been growing in strength and is out more and more at home. Inside  he sits and watches over the new village tbsy was built when we got the new job and relesedd every one from debters prisen. In fact a common view I get is seeing the back of akhenaton, scott, and beast watching the village. So who is looking? Rachel? No because sometimes she blowing one of the guys in our group... So who knows.


Time to get ready to go out...