Updated 4/12/13 to add more people we've identified/details
Updated 7/18/13 to fix some spelling errors and provide some minor clarifications
Updated 3/20/17 updates
This is our therapy. If you enjoy or want to know more then ask. But I'm here for me... This wasn't going to be shared even with my family, but we find value in talking about thing that are troubling us later.
We have multiple people in our head and catch ourselves staring off into space a lot. Oh that's probably called Disassociative Identity Disorder. And it does cause my life issues. Always has even before we knew what to call it. Last summer things gained a new clarity where we were able to finally let people out of our head. We finally found the door out...
We have settled out with these people but there seems to be others in the background that we don't know of yet. Like you see ripples in the water of a boat going by we see their ripples, we keep just missing the boat.
We are all more or less co-conscious and can switch to any of us on demand but we situationally switch much easier and deeper as ourselves. Often we have the lightbulb go off and realize who is out isn't the voice we are hearing in our head at the time. This slams home fastest when Rachel or Mr. Peare is out and we hear ourselves through our ears.
We all have "Can't remember shit" syndrome. Most of our childhood is missing. Most of the 90s is missing too. 2000s are fading away. Yesterday is fuzzy. This leaves us very emotion and reactive based. Frequently we have a different response to the same input confusing those we love and ourselves.
We don't do stress well. We become very disabled from it.
The Teeter Totter - The Main Ones That Run Our Life
We are co-conscious and have to maintain a balance. The stronger Akhenaten has gotten the strong Rachel has had to get as well. Maat must be maintained. Akhenaten and Scott are out the most in public and most people don't notice when we switch. Frequently Akhenaten will speak through Scott so it sounds like Scott.
Akhenaten: The Dom and control freak of our system. Age matches the bodies age if not a bit older. Always on the sideline observing when others are out. Egyptian in attitude and philosophy. Very much believes in the natural order view point. The owner of slaves and our life. While Scott may or may not start play at the bdsm club, when shit gets real it's Akhenaten who's playing. Protector of us and others from us. He calms the chaos and our brain gets quiet when he's out. (If the stress doesn't block him out...) Believes in nothing (around religion) and pulls what seems to work for most people and fits for that situation to provide guidance to us. Egyptian mythos is a fun story.
Scott (Me): The main voice of this blog and our life. Early 20s in age. I'm the one that goes to work and bridges between the male and female, being in control and being of service, and just starting to embrace being a switch sexually and in some parts of BDSM. Service top. ADD distracts me a lot. Agnostic to Gnostic in beliefs. Scott spends the most time out and is "host" of our system.
Rachel: The 14 year old chef and service minded slave spirit. (But is an age slider up to around 22) Very shy and meak. Wants nothing more than to be recognized and told she's doing a good job or made you happy. She seems to need a boyfriend that will use her. Seems to enjoy pain during sex; it is required for her to cum. Rachel is our energy worker and very spirit minded. Also still seems to be a Christian and sings Christian and Christmas songs. Frequently. (She got upset and left 1st tier and moved to 2nd for a long time. Slowly she's moving back up as life has settled out a bit.)
The Second Tier (Mostly comes out for sex)
Beast: The raw primal influence that can merge into Akhenaten or Mike during sex. But alone is closer to warewolf mentality. Very clawy and wants to eat you. Owns Rachel after she left Akhenaten... Though they both still use her.
Mike: The namesake of this blog but not the main voice of it, because our brain is chaotic. This alter is chaos. Think bad Joker from Batman. You'll know him by his laugh sounding speech. He loves to cut on people but we don't let him.
We tend to run through them in this descending order during sex: Scott/Akhenaten (depending...), maybe Rachel (depends on our partner at the time), Akhenaten, Beast, climax... If it goes on a super long time sometimes we'll start spinning and Mike then Mr. Peare will come out. Then spin back around to another from 1st tier and rotate through again.
The Others - You probably wont see them
Scotty: The 5 year old boy who LOVES candy, ice cream, and 80s cartoons. He seems to be the source of our panic attacks most of the time. Very shy and scared. There really are monsters under the bed for him. We can't sleep too close to the edge. They'll get us or we'll fall off. He can age shift around a little or co-outs with Scott. (Sometimes we know Scott/y is out but we aren't sure if it's Scott slid down or Scotty slid up...) We aren't really sure but we've had some funny results during sex. (This is super rare now.)
Gay Dude: Mostly a gay sounding voice and thoughts. Mostly comments on clothing, shoes, hand bags, food, and make up. Less of a full time personality, but seems to be pulled out around gay guys but not so much with gay girls. About the only one that doesn't do sex. (So far. Total bottom fag and wants it...)
Sarah: Mid 30s, short curly hair. Fiddler/Country girl. She doesn't like to come out very much.
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This group can all met up in the grand room in the castle and we all seem to have bedrooms there. We don't think about the other rooms much yet they are there... The grand room we can clearly see. We've written about it some now and then in the blog.
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-- stuck inside ones --
American Indian boy (seems to be me?) and American Indian Shaman - someone I (as Indian Boy) can interact with. (Along with the rest of the tribe at various levels. Seems more like another world in my head than a personality that can come "out" on purpose. Once in a while he can. And if I focus on him in my head I hear the tribe's drums.
The Prisoners. Seems like a good name. They all seem to be in Debtors Prison and rattle their cages a lot when I'm stressed. They can't come out. Except once they escaped in a never ending marry-go-round that lasted for a good hour with people popping out every 10 seconds or so. Hard to get them all settled down again. Seems the Mr. Peare is from that group and was released. (All were released! Much happier now.)
Mental Ward. We seem to have one now... I can see people milling around in it but not really make out faces. We don't focus on it much. We've had glimpses of this for years and we push them away... (We avoid these thoughts as fast as we can...)
Eva and puppies. Spouse and spawn of Beast. Eva can come out but doesn't very often. Puppies - don't even want to try... Might happen some day. Mostly loud yipping in my head if I think of them and sometimes when I don't. (Mostly faded. Eva was from a D&D game...)
-- Other players in my external life --
Girl number 1: Suite Mind Crime
Girl number 2: Meronym
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