I cried myself to sleep last night. I looked at what happened in my life yesterday today and couldn't find any logical reason fir it. I am sad about my girl #1 not being able to do much due to her sickness. I cuddled up to girl #2 and cried. Maybe that conversation about wanting more with girl #1 and missing each other "broke the camels back" because it shouldn't have lead to crying. Maybe it was seeing new pictures of the kids, whom I haven't seen for a long time. Maybe it's my ex telling me that she still loves me out of the blue yesterday. Maybe it's because my marriage anniversary is tomorrow. Maybe I just needed a good cry? Too often I cry without knowing why. Often if feels very girly and confusing. This felt of a man regretting decisions of my past... Some things can't be un-done. As much as I don't let them hold me back I can't be free of them. They torment me...
So merry fucking happy anniversary to me... Too broke to get divorced. Way more connected to the ex than I can get out of.
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