Rage

I've been feeling a bit out of control the last few days. Just surging feelings of rage. Just feeling like I can't get my life back under control. Too many moving parts. I just can't keep up. They people have moved on when I'm ready for them.

My job interview went well I heard and they are considering me for the position role I had first applied for a while back. (They had filled that slot with someone else.) So that is good news. But I'm left waiting until they get some things sorted out.

I'm just frustrated at work...


I have been thinking about girl #1 and me a lot lately. I'm wondering where this new path is headed since the BDSM collar came off and we've started over. When she was multiple I understood my role and how that drifted with different alters. Since she's integrated I'm a bit lost as to how I should relate. All of our old agreements are gone so I'm floundering in trying to figure out what we are and how we fit together. If at all. She says she needs time to sort though some stuff. But I'm worried that I'll always be a reminder of what set her into this place to begin with. Is it safe for her to stay with me? For her... I'm probably always going to remind her of her past because that is the kind of person I am. We had agreements and space for that initially. And now... It's all up in the air. I don't hand up in the air on-goingly well. And yet the last couple of years it's been that.

I should have been heart broken when the collar came off... It really didn't phase me. I'd already spent years morning the loss of what we had. It really was the logical conclusion. I hate it! I don't like this...

Now I cry. Right before a meeting. Great...


l8tr.