I can't handle being around others with it. It pulls me down. HARD. So what to do when one of my girls has a personality that is depressed and others that aren't? And she has a phobia about seeing a therapist? I can't seem to get her the help she needs because she refuses it... Very frustrating.
I found myself weeping after talking with her yesterday and it took much time to work out exactly what triggured it. I realized that I made up a meaning about something she said that she didn't actually say or mean. But it connectioned some thoughts and fears I've been pushing away.
It doesn't make sense to keep her in my life to be what I want her to be when she can't but. But I don't want her out of it. Yes I'm making it about me. And that is why I've been pushing it aside. That is shallow. But it's nawing at me... At the end of the day I feel like I'm the only one putting effort into our relationship and know she can never be what I want her to be for me due to her physical illness.
Long term chronic pain has her depressed and there is no fix for this... Doctors just can't help her.
She says she'd be better in the North West. I believe that because I see how low humidity/cool days have her in a much better place. I can't afford to move right now even if I found someone to hire me out there.
Work may give me that opportunity if this project goes bust...
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